Over the past two weeks, I've learned the following valuable life lessons:
(1) People will have pity on you if you're broken. Some may even offer to do things they don't ordinarily like to do. For example, cat-people may offer to walk your beast of a dog.
(2) You should go to the doctor on a regular basis. If you wait, oh, say, four years between visits, the doctor is likely to find a greater number of things wrong with you. You will then have to go to a myriad of appointments with specialists.
(3) When your metabolism shoots through the roof, you can eat whatever you want. You will, however, be the hottest (and not in the good way) and sweatiest person. Ever. It's gross.
(4) Swallowing a radioactive pill (prescribed by your doctor) does not make you glow in the dark.
(5) Labrador retrievers do not understand crutches.